Cinema etiquette – or the lack thereof

Warning – this is going to be a rant.

What, pray, is wrong with the movie-going public in Calcutta?? A people that pride themselves on their ‘culture’, friendliness, and warmth transforms into the epitome of bad behaviour when they’re placed within a mile of any cinema hall. People in Delhi annoyed me – and loads of others - with their obstinate refusal to turn their mobiles off, and their penchant for long conversations just at the most gripping moments - so much so that PVR actually made a funny short about irritating people yakking on their cell phones during screenings being abducted by aliens, to the mirth of others in the theatre. In Calcutta, though, I have come to the conclusion that people don’t quite get what movie halls are all about. For most, they’re either

(a) an extension of their very noisy, convivial living rooms;
(b) the setting for dreamy dates, the kind where you talk your hearts out to kindred spirits;
(c) one of the few spaces available for groups of dorky men to prove to the world just how obnoxious, loud and pathetically uncool they can be; and
(d) make-out zones. Of the noisy kind.

Notice anything about the list above? They have one thing in common – noise. Yep. I have, till date, been to only one film where I didn’t have to leave my seat and move much forward to the relatively unoccupied seats in front just so I could do what I had come to do in the first place – watch a film in peace – and that was during a Jodie Foster film that attracted only five people, my husband and I included. In fact, that’s the first thing we do in a theatre – mark out two seats with no one remotely close, which we could run to as soon as the movie – and the jabbering – started.

I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel this way. I’ve come across at least a couple of instances where people angrily shushed others around them; we’ve done so innumerable times. Seriously, though, WHY do people talk so much during films? I mean, if they’re not interested in the film, wouldn’t it have made better sense to not spend so much money on tickets and popcorn but spend it on sandwiches and coffee at the nearest coffee bar, where there wouldn’t be anyone objecting to their undoubtedly scintillating conversation? Or, if you’d rather catch a movie with a bunch of friends and have a blast laughing at all the serious moments, wouldn’t it be better, easier, and cheaper to rent a DVD instead? Or, if you belong to the dorky group mentioned above who cannot distinguish between Dev D and soft porn, wouldn’t you have a better time watching soft porn instead?

If any of the yakky types ever read this – could you keep it down? Or try one of my alternatives – trust me, we’d all be so much better off if you do. And if there’s anyone who feels the way I do, or can shed light on this curious phenomenon, please do so – and then perhaps we can figure out what, if anything, can be done about this.

When Delhi actually scores points over a city in the matter of etiquette, that city is in big trouble indeed.