V-Day: Places to avoid

Couples know exactly where to head on Valentine’s Day. Anything from the Maidan to the Strand works for them. But if you’re chronically single, recently single, married, but wish you were single, and don’t want to be cooped up at home on a Sunday, these are the places to avoid…

Victoria Memorial, Nandan, Citizen’s Park, Vivekananda Park, Allen’s Park, and so on…

You’ll find them cooing in corners, stuck bumper to bumper with the next couple. PDA rules, with perhaps the only screen between curious spectators and the couple being an umbrella. You might even find next-door neighbour Mumpy with Bapi, sitting under one of the Maidan trees. Love is in the air, love is in the stare—Romeo and Juliet gazing into each others’ eyes, oblivious to the hawker’s cry, the sniggering passersby or the flies buzzing over mounds of horse dung.

The Strand

Don’t go to the Strand for the Sunday evening chaat or ice-cream. You’ll be greeted by a sea of amorous couples, with or without umbrellas.

So, you thought you’d take a ride across the sun bathed Hooghly—hire a tiny boat, feel the breeze in your hair, hear the boatman sing? Bunk the idea. In any case, you’ll be hard put to find a spare boat on 14 Feb. For the uninitiated, boats work as temporary love nests for many valentines.

The same logic extends to the nearby Princep Ghat—‘labh bards’ flock to it, occupying every nook and cranny of the structure. ‘Love and let love’ is the tag line for the day.

Coffee shops

They’ll stick pink hearts on their windows, hang heart-shaped balloons from the ceiling and hand you a V-Day menu that doesn’t state prices. So, you’re blissfully unaware of how much that heart-shaped pastry you’re digging in actually costs till the bill singes your pocket.

Movie theatre

There will be a lot more sound effect than you expected and in all probability you’ll make a dash for the door after half an hour. Film? What film? You actually thought they were there to watch a film?

City Centre

With labhars occupying every inch of space on the mall’s steps, singletons and those who’ve fallen out of love might have to be airdropped to the mall. In fact, if you’re one of those who’ve fallen out of love and still has to tow a partner along, avoid City Centre or you’ll never hear the end of ‘how things used to be’. Want to help out a recently single friend? Steer clear of all lovers’ points.

You could drop into a friend’s house, but he may be having a romantic dinner with his girl friend; you could go to a restaurant, but with couples all around being staunch supporters of PDA, you’d feel like an intruder; you could nurse your wounds at the ice-cream parlour, but they’ll serve you a heart shaped dessert. And the end of it, staying at home wouldn’t seem like such a bad option after all.